Late-life romance spurns old age for technology and new beginnings
Startup editor's note: OMG! You Met on the Internet? is an excellent example of a book that needs to be written. Not because the authors were the first people ever to fall in love online. What makes this story unique are the personal histories of two good people whose hearts had been broken and left for dead.
Below, I offer some tips for how to handle this type of book, why knowing your audience in the beginning is helpful. —DGC
John was a widower in the Northwest who was tortured by profound grief after the loss of his wife of 52 years. Donna Marie resided in the Northeast and suffered from the belief that her life had lacked a little luck and a lot of love. She was depressed, obese and needed the help of a wheelchair or walker to move about. Meanwhile, John was losing weight because sorrow had stolen his appetite.
Although thousands of miles once separated these two lonely hearts, they are now a happily married couple. They travel often, love to dance, laugh a lot and occasionally bicker, but know that they share a miracle that neither of them saw coming. For that reason, their new mission in life is to preach a simple gospel to seniors and others who seek a companion: Don’t give up.
“I thought life was over,” says Donna Marie, who grew up in the Rochester, New York area, married, had children, divorced and then battled cancer more than once. “I had nothing to look forward to, except death. Maybe that would be merciful, but, gosh, how about a little fun first?”
John admits he could no longer find purpose in life, though he and his first wife had farmed successfully for decades in the state of Washington. “I’d lay awake at night and wonder, why go on?” he says.
The answer to that question came unexpectedly when John, while fiddling with his smart phone found a dating platform. All he wanted was someone to talk to. He joined the website, identified himself as Lonely Farmer and scrolled through profiles of mature women until finally deciding DL Saucy sounded interesting. He tapped out a short note:
Lonely Farmer: I recently lost my wife of 52 years and feel lost … and just need someone to write to …
DL Saucy was Donna Marie’s handle. She was happy to see a message in her mailbox.
DL Saucy: What’s your name I am Donna
When John saw her message, his spirits lifted.
Lonely Farmer: hi Donna my name is John
Simple beginnings led to numerous candid online chats about family, longing, sex, aging, health and, eventually, the suggestion of a rendezvous. They’d only known each other for three weeks.
The story of how negotiations for a meeting in Las Vegas eventually led to wedding bells for John and Donna Marie Peterson is included in their new memoir, OMG! You Met on the Internet? How an online romance conquered grief and depression while restoring faith in a higher power. Their goal in becoming authors was to encourage other senior citizens to stay in the game.
No Surrender: Ignoring old age
John and Donna Marie did not consider themselves digital experts when their relationship began. But when they began to click that provided an incentive to learn more. For example, when texting via the dating platform limited their ability to communicate in a fluid way, they decided to rely on another ubiquitous technology: The smart phone.
The Pew Research Center, a nonpartisan fact tank that follows social trends, reports that the number of Americans with online dating experience was very small in 2005. The advent of mobile apps on smart phones has helped participation to triple. Now over 15 percent of adults seek mates online.
“Technology can sound so cold,” says John. “But it revolutionized our relationship. With Skype and FaceTime, we could see each other and communicate more naturally. Donna would take her phone on a shopping spree and I could go along for the ride. I also could meet her family, so they knew I wasn’t some ogre on the prey.”
It comes as no surprise that online dating has grown among people between the ages of 18 and 24. Yet Pew also sees expanding trends among people in their 50s and 60s.
Donna Marie and John are outliers: she was 67 and he was 72 when they met on a platform that has since been closed. In a sense, each of them silently asked a question that various studies have strived to answer: When does old age begin? According to the New York Times, a Pew poll of 3,000 suggested 68 as the gateway of feeling old.
But the Petersons, while acknowledging the physical limitations that come with hard-won wisdom, decided to set their own standards.
“I was sixty-seven, bed-ridden and yet when John and I got comfortable with each other—like in about a week—I confessed, ‘I want to be naughty.’ What man would turn down that offer? But then I added, ‘And I wear Depends.’”
Love, Weight Loss and Nose Bleeds
The couple finally met at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, with Donna Marie’s daughter in tow. She had to push the wheelchair her mother needed because she did not dare walk the length of the baggage area.
John didn’t care that his new girlfriend was overweight. He leaned over, handed her a rose he had purchased in the arrival terminal and kissed Donna Marie on the lips.
“I could have fainted, but thankfully I was already sitting down,” she recalls, adding, “He was so handsome in his blue shirt.”
A wheelchair was not needed that first night on the town, which included a candle-lit dinner, wine, holding hands and a walk to a hotel room they mutually agreed to share. Yet, Donna Marie’s health issues were a hazard that might shorten the relationship.
“It made no sense to say, ‘You must lose weight.’ But I wanted her health to improve. So, I encouraged Donna to do some simple things that would naturally help her drop some pounds. A change of diet, simple exercise,” he said.
Donna Marie believes the weight came off because she didn’t feel pressure to suddenly change her body type. Being skinny was out of the questions, but being fit was well within reach. John’s love and patience made it easy for her to alter her habits and succeed.
Then months later, when the romance had reached full-bloom and talk of marriage was in the air, Donna’s nose began to bleed profusely and it would not stop. Through the years she’d harbored some bitterness about life and had endured many serious health scares. So, naturally, her first thought was, “Just my luck. I’m going to die and not live happily ever after with John. I was hysterical,” she says.
The harrowing chaos of calling an ambulance to the remote setting of John’s Washington State farm is cinematic and well-told in their memoir. John hopped in his truck and followed the EMTs at full speed with the hope that his lover could see his headlights from the back of the emergency vehicle. They remained in the hospital all night, emotionally exhausted by the ordeal. And resolute in their beliefs: Live goes on, if we believe.
The Long Dance
The Peterson’s stay fit, emotionally and physically, by dancing. In years past, Donna Marie was a ballroom dance teacher and while she and John were still communicating online she promised him some private lessons. He was an eager student.
“We don’t pretend we’re in our twenties or thirties. But by listening to our favorite music from those times, we get the itch to dance and hug and laugh and cry. When we slow dance we hold tight, other steps mean only our fingertips touch, but we’re still attached,” she says.
The impulse to teach, or rather share, became the basis for their authorial debut. They were tech savvy enough to save all their text conversations, which provide an authentic portrait of two lonely people falling in love. Portions of those chats—replete with typos and online abbreviations—are used to shape sections of the narrative. Not only were these two lovebirds utterly frank with each other, in telling their story they truthfully convey excitement, doubt, deep longing and, finally, a thoughtful decision that take a leap. One year after their online romance began, they exchanged vows and became husband and wife.
The Petersons describe the miracle of their chance meeting as spiritual. Something bigger was at play, they say, and fortunately each intuitively knew that at this or any age action was required to sustain the dance.
Their book is instructive not because they preach a gospel of any kind. Rather, by being unsparingly honest about the contradictory feelings they experienced throughout their journey, the reader can contemplate various life lessons.
That, of course, is what sustained them through the 12-month creative process that resulted in OMG! You Met on the Internet? They simply wanted other people, lovers and seekers of all ages, to be encouraged and reconsider the possibilities of reaching out in the darkness.
SMART STARTUP AUTHOR CHOICES!
So what did Donna and JP do right when launching their book project?
In conclusion, a paperback or digital edition of your book is the best way of telling others who you are. This is true for people like Donna and JP who are on a mission, of sorts, and fir business people, therapists, physicians and other professionals. A book, short or long, consolidates your unique way of thinking, being and sharing.
New Author interview Series: 'The paris plot' by joseph aragon scores political hit and reveals how to write a novel
Joseph Aragon has enjoyed a fruitful career in politics and business. Like many professional people, his work demanded that he do some writing. And he enjoyed writing short stories, poetry and songs.
But he had a yearning to write a novel. And not just any novel, but an international thriller that would draw on the savvy global insights he gained while working in the White House as a presidential adviser.
The Paris Plot is a complex, action-packed story about an American president trapped in Paris and under siege by a deadly array of adversaries all of whom have their own reasons for wanting the leader of the Western world dead.
Aragon has won praise from Kirkus Reviews, which describes the debut novel as "a fast-paced international adventure..." that takes us on an "exhilarating underground pursuit..." through the French capital and beyond.
Coincidentally, the novel’s publication coincides with the rise of President Donald Trump and his impact on world affairs. No matter which side of the political spectrum you lean toward, Aragon's view of global politics and politicians may strike you as prescient, profound and uncanny.
More importantly, if you are a new author curious about self-publishing a title of high quality, The Paris Plot is an excellent example of setting high standards for creative writing and storytelling.
My interview with startup author Joseph Aragon began while he was in Paris plotting and researching his next novel.
Why did you decide to write a novel?
It was something I'd wanted to do for a long time. I had written a good number of short stories, poems, songs, over the years but had never published any or attempted a full-on novel. Yet, I had a pretty good idea of the type of story I would write. It would be about how powerful people in the world of politics use that power, sometimes for noble purposes and other times for much darker ones. I also wanted to write about how entangling and pernicious the exercise of influence can be and what it does to people. I also wanted to have a bit of fun with a "what if" thriller.
Was it difficult to get started?
Not at all. The first paragraph was easy peasy. After that I suddenly remembered a long list of chores I had been meaning to attend to, like polishing my shoes, updating a dormant Facebook account and learning Tagalog.
You mean, it took time to learn how to discipline yourself as a writer? You were easily distracted?
Time wasn’t the issue. It was more about structure. In the case of The Paris Plot I had done a good amount of writing, but, I was not writing a novel. There had to be a focus and a structure for me to really think of myself as someone who was writing and would complete a novel. I did not have that.
How did you get the structure?
I enrolled in writing class at UCLA Extension. We were treated as serious writers of fiction and were encouraged to see ourselves as such. We were asked to produce at least 10 pages of new material per week. Our submissions were read in class by our mentor and everyone else in the class. Each person was asked to comment on the submission.
This was always stressful because one never knew how others would react to the material. But it was immensely helpful because it provided valuable feedback. The process was also helpful because, like my fellow writers, I did not want to show up empty handed at class. So I did not allow myself the personal luxury of saying, “Well, I’ll get to it next week or the week after that." There was a timetable. There was a deadline.
OK, so that provided a structure you lacked in the beginning?
Yes, and also, there was, if you will, an element of personal pride, or at least, not wanting to be the goat when it came to submit new pages.
As time went by, the fear of sitting down and putting words on the page dissipated, though the anxiety of actually writing something worthwhile did not. I had crossed a psychological threshold. I knew I could produce new chapters and move the story forward, and that made a big difference. It broke the back of that paralyzing mindset that said, "I don’t know what to write, so I can’t write today."
Oh yeah, we’ve all been there. Creative writing prompts can be helpful. So the more you did, the more confident you became?
Absolutely. As I moved further into the story, the more the possibility of completing the novel became real. I came to see myself not as someone who wanted to write, but rather as a writer working his craft. And it is a craft with its own unique requirements. To become a writer you have to learn the craft, just as a composer or a sculptor would need to know the art form in order to create something.
The other important thing I discovered is that when I actually forced myself to sit down and write the next 10 pages it took me far less time than I had imagined. And there were those wonderful days when the story unwound before me like the Yellow Brick Road, taking me to new scenes and characters I had not envisioned.
Fantastic. So, did you have to dedicate your whole day to writing to be so productive?
No! Like many startup authors I had been looking for that perfect, long window of time to write. It rarely happened - and it doesn’t have to. It is a massive fiction, but one I all too often fell victim to, until I got on a schedule not completely under my control.
Now, not everyone can, or will, or need to enroll in a writing program. But everyone needs a structure, a regimen, a set of goals.
What’s your advice for creating that structure?
There are writing groups everywhere. Find one. Join. Share your material. Ask for comments and offer comments. Commit yourself to that group. If it meets weekly, go weekly. If monthly, go monthly. Join more than one writing group if need be. Get to know other writers. And think of yourself as a writer. It is a highly motivating experience.
“Think of yourself as a writer.” Important advice, because many startup authors want to write, but don’t, then punish themselves and never enjoy that feeling of achievement you describe so well.
It’s ironic that so many of us who want to write won’t allow ourselves 10 to 30 minutes a day, just to begin. Your free Ready to Happen course is also a good way to create a personal structure. As you say, think of your writing aspirations as a startup company.
Why did you think you were qualified to write about the subject you chose?
At its heart, this is a story about political intrigue. A large part of my adult life was spent working in political campaigns, all the way from local municipal office, to presidential elections, culminating with service in the West Wing of the White House. In the course of that experience one gets an inside look at the human and political calculations that lead to decisions that can affect millions of people. What happens to them in the pursuit, exercise and retention of power? For some it is an elevating, even ennobling journey. For others it is a descent to moral and political corruption.
How did you choose your story?
I was visiting the American Cemetery in Normandy. It is truly a sacred and beautiful memorial to the thousands of American soldiers who died storming Omaha beach and other landing sites on D Day, June 6, 1944. The memorial sits on a high promontory overlooking the broad swath of Omaha beach far below. It was quite moving to contemplate the rendezvous with death that confronted American GI's tasked to take the high ground. And oddly enough, and counter to what writing conventions would suggest, I knew that that site would be the ending scene of my as yet unwritten story. So, you might say that I knew at that moment where and possibly how my story would end. I would just have to find my way there from page 1.
You mentioned the UCLA Extension class. Did you find a particular mentor to help you with creative writing techniques and writing tips?
I was very fortunate to have a masterful mentor. Linda Palmer, an extraordinary, creative person in her own right, was teaching an extension class in novel writing at UCLA. She was already a bit of a legend among aspiring writers. Along with 10-15 other hopeful writers I attended her classes for a year and a half, learning the basics of story telling, POV, plot, sub-plot, protagonists, the need to have an arc to the story, a through line, and attention to detail, detail, detail. (Editor’s note: Linda enjoyed a remarkable career in Hollywood as a writer and producer before becoming an excellent novelist who wrote under the pseudonym Melinda Wells.
I remember writing an action scene where my female protagonist, Izzy Stone walks into trap. She has her gun, secret service ID and her purse with her when is viciously attacked by her stalker. It's a bloody fight. I finished the scene where Izzy recovers from the attack and walks out of the building. "Where's the gun? Where's the ID? The purse?" Linda asked me. I had forgotten to mention them again. Though she often said, "Remember this is fiction it is not a do cumentary," nonetheless she stressed the importance of keeping the story internally consistent. It was ok to build a story around a seemingly implausible premise (who wants a totally predictable plot?) so long as the story is internally plausible. That is, there has to be a persuasive, pervasive logic to it. When things happen there has to be reason. She was no fan of Deus ex machina when it came to good storytelling. And, of course, I was extremely lucky to develop great relationships with talented writers who became good friends. It never failed to amaze me how generous they were with their time and their feedback. Rarely did I encounter one who was more interested in tearing down rather than helping.
How long did it take you to complete the novel?
About two and a half years. There were stops and starts along the way. I heavily researched for the story since it involved international terrorism, intelligence agencies and foreign locales. I wanted it to be as believable as possible as to time and place.
Did you ever feel discouraged as you were learning how to write a book?
If yes, how did you overcome those feelings?
I would be lying if I said I didn't. Writing is a lonely process filled with self-criticism, insecurity and more than one margarita. I doubt even the finest writers escape moments like that. But it is even more true of first time writers. There is no empirical evidence that your writing is worth the effort, and that fosters a lot of stress. There were many days when I doubted I could finish. Looking at pages I had written and finding them more fit for the round file than in a book was part of the experience. But I drew comfort from the knowledge that all those fears are part of the writer's journey. Linda often warned us of that small demon sitting on your shoulder telling you that you can't write, that you will never finish." Just ignore the demon," she would say. I also acknowledged the obvious, if writing were easy everyone would have a book on Amazon. I lived by General Patton's famous "l'audace, l'audace, toujours l'audace!"
After finishing your manuscript, what kind of editorial process did you follow?
Edit, edit, edit. Tighten the scenes. Then tighten them more. Look for logical black holes. If it is a thriller keep the protagonist and the action moving forward. Avoid back story dumps. Use foreshadowing, avoid adverbs and generalizations. Continue to add description while avoiding long digression. Can the reader see it? Hear it? Smell it? Feel it? Create a sense of place. Will the reader feel she/he is there? And do not be afraid to reorder your scenes. Sometimes it is only after you have completed the manuscript that you realize that an event or a scene is more compelling by placing it earlier or later.
How did you feel when the paperback edition of The Paris Plot was in your hands?
Pretty darned good. And strange, perhaps not so strange, is that others, even those very close to you, somehow see you and treat you differently. Maybe it is just their recognition of someone actually having completed the novel and seeing it in print. Maybe it simply says that people generally respect a writer who has seen it through.
What writing tips can you share with other startup authors?
Write about something that matters to you. If you do not write with conviction no one else will care about your story or your characters. Write and keep writing and don't look back, at least, not right away. What I have found is that first time writers want the beginning chapter or chapters to be perfect before moving on. The only difficulty here is that writing is an organic process. The story is a living, breathing, shape-shifting creature. And though one may think that after ten re-writes the first chapter is perfect, inevitably by the time the writer gets to chapter 10, that first chapter will need reworking.
To say nothing of the paralyzing effect it has on you as a writer, forever honing those first words. It's also a form of avoidance. The re-writing process should come much farther down the line. Since I first seriously began writing I have crossed paths with some truly talented writers. Writers who amazed me with their originality and mastery of language.
Yet sadly, most of those colleagues stalled, allowed the demon on the shoulder to prevail and never finished. Just about the worst thing that can happen to someone who stopped writing because of a loss of self-confidence, is to revisit the unfinished manuscript years later and say, "Wow, this was really good."
The other day I saw a notice asking for submissions of holiday-themed screenplays. Obviously, the film producers were already thinking ahead to 2018 and beyond.
Then I remembered the Christmas story I wrote some years ago. I began with great trepidation. Surely, your own story cannot rank with the classics.
But my attitude changed, once I began to write. My own views of the holiday didn't need to correspond with those of Dickens and other authors. How to write a story is solved simply by being honest about your feelings.
I share some writing tips below. Story writing and online writing may seem like worlds apart, but begin with your strength and develop from there.
(First Christmas Story TIP: Start with a problem. The central character need not be happy or cheery. Give him or her something to grapple with while in the midst of other merry-makers.
Second Christmas Story TIP: Start with a happy occasion and quickly turn it into a personal disaster. Explosions and assassination attempts are not required to create drama. What's the worst thing that could happen to your hero as the story opens?
Third Christmas Story TIP: Avoid reading the classics. Choose a different approach. How many times can we watch a grumpy person be forced to reveal a painful past only to see him or her turn sunny and nice? Your creative writing skills will improve by pursuing your own voice and themes. You never know, maybe it will make you consider writing a novel about your holiday.
Fourth Christmas Story TIP: Tie it to something you have a passion for. Guitar and songwriting were my choices. My Songbook Chronicles trace the progress (or retreat) of singer-songwriter Frank Gosnell.
Fifth Christmas Story TIP: To develop the story, write a short article about it in an attempt to explain to a listener what it's all about. Don't worry if you don't know how to write an article. Just start. It can be sloppy, bumpy or initially illogical. By telling the story you're actually developing creative writing prompts that may inspire story beats.
(BTW, as ghostwriter for hire, I often share these same tips for business books, memoirs and books by musicians. I like using fiction narrative techniques for nonfiction projects. So use these tips any way you wish.)
She didn't know how to begin, despite reams of notes, lots of social media posts and a journal about her wish to write.
Stephen King once said that he couldn't understand why people with talent for writing didn't get started.
I understand the resistance. I've felt it too. So I've written Startup Author Hacks to help others overcome the scary notion of facing a blank pages.
Gather, organize and shape is a simple process for taking the raw materials you have -- despite how disparate they may seem -- and creating the guts of a novel, nonfiction book, screenplay or article.
You very likely have the beginnings of .... something. A book or screenplay. A poem or article. Next, you want to learn how to write a story, long or short.
Go for it.
Startup Author Hacks is not a bunch of writing tips. You need a plan, a method for facing the blank page.
Some of the most successful authors worldwide would rather begin with something on the page. Anything. Even if it is sloppy. Why? Because they know the road to perfection takes time. First they must get their raw ideas on paper or in a digital file. Everything can be reworked. But the blank page?
I begin with an idea. And then it becomes something else." —Pablo Picasso
Identity is also part of the process of writing a novel. Who are you? How do you like to work? Startup Author Hacks encourages you to find a process that works for you.
Maybe you don't want to start at the beginning. Dive into the middle, then. Creative writing prompts are nothing more than prods to get your engine running. Ignition. Here we go.
Buy it now. Startup Author Hacks will show you how to get started with the stuff you already have.
But if you don't have much to work with, then download my FREE guide for authors, Ready to Happen. Just 10 minutes a day will build your treasure trove of ideas for your book, screenplay, article -- or love letter.
Creative writing is not so hard if you let yourself go and give permission to be casual, messy, but honest.
Best of luck!
The author fretted about the gaps in her story. “I can’t figure out what happens next, and at the end.”
She didn’t say it out loud, but that’s what she was thinking. And that’s why everyone around her saw a pensive, unhappy writer walking in circles.
But maybe she didn’t need to fill the gaps. Maybe she had enough in her notes and outlines, but was not trusting the material.
Or maybe she was just stuck. It happens.
Cozy Mystery Novelist w/ Story Writing tips
The wonderful cozy mystery novelist and excellent teacher Linda Palmer (a/k/a Melinda Wells), often advised UCLA Extension students to skip ahead if they felt stuck. She reminded everyone that there is no rule that says authors absolutely must write their books, blogs and articles from beginning to end, from Page 1 to Page 260.
Linda’s idea appealed to me because sometimes in our search for something that we believe is missing, we over-write and waste time. When you at least write the scenes and chapters, paragraphs and dialogue, that you believe belong in the work, you may discover that those big gaps in story have shrunk.
Writing Resources: Story Creation is a 'mental game'
But how could the gaps have shrunk? It’s a mental game. Too often we see the holes in the story, or the imperfections, and do not realize we have done plenty of good work. Also, maybe it is time to simplify and boil down the theme or story elements to the essentials. If I can’t move forward, often it is because I have too possibilities spinning in my head. That’s when I say, “Dude, just choose one!”
Jumping ahead provides another advantage. As you proceed with your story it is nice to know you have chapters down the road waiting for you.
Dear Startup Author, you may fear that skipping through your outline will only result in a mess. Things don’t seem to fit together. That’s a possibility, and yet that’s why we value revision so much.
On the other hand, if you insist on staying with the chronology of your outline are you imposing a uniformity that is dull?
There is not one answer. But, then, who likes to sit around feeling stumped? We want to move forward on our projects.
Tips & Strategies for Story Writing